Learning to Read Egyptian
by YamiReina
Summary: A mystic on a caffeine high attacks Malik to read his tattoos. Random insanity results.


Learning to Read Egyptian  
  
Malik cautiously opened the door and edged into the apartment. Why the gods had bestowed power on these psychotic nutcases was beyond him. Malik grinned at the thought that he of all people could call anyone a psychotic nutcase.  
  
He jumped about three feet as a cat meowed at him from the couch. Malik contented himself with singeing its tail and wandering into the 'office'.  
  
One of the nutcases could almost always be found here pouring over a book or searching the internet for answers. The computer was off and all the books were closed.   
  
Malik looked down the hall towards the bedrooms then shook his head and began walking back towards the front door. A floor board creaked and before Malik could turn a tremendous force attacked him from behind.  
  
'What in the name of Ra!' Malik yelled as he was tackled to the floor.  
  
'Malik!'  
  
*Oh gods no,* Malik thought desperately, *Please don't let her be hyper, I can stand anything but her…*  
  
'Stay still,' a slightly sped up, excited and extremely happy voice said, 'I've just learned hieroglyphics and now I'm going to read you!'  
  
'Hikari,' Malik said wearily, 'Get off me or I'll-'  
  
'Or you'll what?' Hikari said stubbornly, 'I've already taken your millennium rod, now stay still!'  
  
Sure enough, Malik's hands were empty. He felt Hikari pull his shirt up and settle into a more comfortable position on his back. 'Hikari, your hands are cold and I can't breathe. Exactly how much caffeine did they let you have?!'  
  
'Not nearly enough.' She muttered running a cold finger down his spine. Malik found that if he turned his head as far as he could, he could see Hikari, her brow creased in a slight frown, her lips mumbling along to what she was reading. Her eerily green eyes huge as saucers. It bothered him sometimes how she could act like a child, look like a teenager and contain the wisdom of an ancient. *She is ancient.* Malik reminded himself.  
  
Hikari sat back and crossed her arms. 'This is all very interesting,' she said seriously all traces of caffeine gone 'Have you ever tried to read it?'  
  
'No,' Malik snapped trying to get up, 'I ran into a bit of trouble when I realised it was on my back!'  
  
'If you don't stop moving and being so snarly I'm going to have to tie you up.'  
  
Malik grinned. 'Ooh kinky – OW!' His grin faded, 'was that my millennium rod you just hit me with!?'  
  
'Yes, and I'll do it again.' Hikari sniffed.  
  
Malik mumbled a few curses and pillowed his head with his arms. 'Since I'm obviously not going anywhere you can wake me when you're done.'  
  
Malik closed his eyes and tried to ignore the fact that Hikari was sitting on him. He tried to ignore the fact that it was Hikari. A few minutes passed. Malik fell asleep. He had nothing better to do.  
  
When Malik woke up he realised that something was missing. 'Hikari, why did you take off my shirt?'  
  
'Hmm? Oh, I couldn't read the symbols by your neck.'  
  
'Oh, okay. And, um, tell me, why did you tie my hands together?'  
  
'You kept moving. I did warn you.'  
  
'Oh, of course… WHAT IN THE NAME OF RA ARE YOU DOING NOW!?'  
  
Hikari didn't answer. The caffeine had finally worn off and she had wrapped her arms around his shoulders and promptly fallen asleep. Malik tried to roll over without hurting her and she fell off. Malik lay on his back and took a deep breath. Now to deal with the ropes. Just as he had found the knot Hikari muttered something, crawled back on top of him and lay her head on his chest.  
  
'Great.' He said to no one in particular. Just when he thought it wasn't getting any worse Hikari pushed herself up to his shoulder.   
  
*Poor thing shouldn't be allowed to drink coffee.* Malik thought a tender smile crossing his face. He got his arms over her head before his hands fell asleep and rested them on her back. Just as he had figured out a way to untie the ropes he heard a door open farther back in the apartment.   
  
Malik froze. The other two mystics had been meditating all this time. They couldn't come in and find him like this with Hikari. They'd think the worst. They'd never let him forget it… Malik frantically tried to hit Hikari in the back and wake her up but succeeded only in getting his hands under her shirt.   
  
*This just doesn't get any better does it?* He thought bitterly.  
  
Malik hit her again and Hikari muttered something that sounded like 'I'm comfy.' And put her arms around his neck. Just then the other two nutcases walked in. Their named were Rari and Idem.   
  
Rari flicked on the light and squeaked. 'Malik, what are you doing here.'  
  
'What's it look like?' he snapped. It was not his fault he was stuck like this.  
  
'It looks like you're in a lot of trouble unless you have a good excuse.' Idem said looking pleased to have a reason to get him in a lot of trouble.  
  
'Look, Hikari attacked me to read my tattoos and when I fell asleep she tied me up and took off my shirt. Then her caffeine high ran out and she fell asleep on me. I got her off but she crawled over again and made herself comfortable. Now my legs are asleep and I'd like to be untied.' Malik marveled at the amount of patience he had. However, if he wasn't untied soon he was definitely sending the lot of them to the shadow realm just for the hell of it.  
  
Rari raised an eyebrow. 'Well if that's the case it seems a shame to wake Hikari.'  
  
'WHAT!? Why you little-'  
  
'Ssh you'll wake Hikari.' Idem said gleefully and followed the other mystic into the office.  
  
Malik cursed loudly in Egyptian and looked down at Hikari's face. He sighed, 'Hikari, please wake up'  
  
Her heart beat slow and steady against his chest and she continued sleeping. Malik lifted his arms enough to awkwardly stroke her hair and smiled. He'd killed, hurt, and tortured so many and he was afraid of hurting this innocent little mystic. The light in his darkness. How many times had he banished people to the shadow realm for doing things she did on a daily basis?  
  
*She's not my light.* Malik reminded himself, *She's not my Hikari. She is just Hikari.*  
  
Hikari opened her eyes and blinked at him. 'Malik, why are you looking at me like that?'  
  
'It's nothing Hikari. Please just untie me.'  
  
Wordlessly Hikari got off him and untied his wrists and handed him his shirt and millennium rod. The whole time her green eyes watched him like search lights.  
  
'I'm sorry!' Hikari blurted out and turned towards the hallway. Malik stopped with one hand on the doorknob and grinned at his sudden inspiration.  
  
Hikari heard his footsteps and froze.  
  
Malik slammed into Hikari tackling her to the ground.  
  
'Gah!! Malik get off me!'  
  
'Not on your life! It's payback time Hikari!' Malik grinned evilly as he sat on her back and pulled a permanent marker out of his pocket. (A/N: I know his pants are too tight for pockets, but he had a marker)  
  
She squealed as he carefully wrote a few symbols on her back. Finally Malik capped the marker and slid gracefully off of her.  
  
'Next time you tackle me you're getting the whole paragraph.' Malik threatened.  
  
Hikari ignored him and pulled the back of her shirt up and stood backwards in front of a mirror craning her neck. She seemed very concerned with it and spun pathetically in circles uttering small squeaks of disappointment.  
  
Malik shook his head sadly at the spectacle and smiled. She'd never get it. Malik was halfway down the stairs when he heard Hikari's triumphant shout, 'I've got it!' Then there was a thoughtful pause followed by, 'I love you too Malik!'  
  
Malik sprinted the rest of the way downstairs and out side. In Egyptian hieroglyphics Malik had carefully written three symbols: I love you.  
  
A/N: This started out really funny as a joke, got really sappy, and ended as a mix of both. I guess that what I was trying to get across was that Malik isn't COMPLETELY heartless. In her innocence Hikari won Malik over. If anyone is interested in hearing more about Malik and the other three mystics please say so in your review. Otherwise, this is staying a short fluffy story. 


End file.
